Beautifully-Human

It’s almost 3a and I’m sitting here in the dark drinking tea and working on a drawing. I made the mistake of turning on the light a few minutes ago when I was making my tea so now I have to wait until my eyes focus before I start drawing again. I usually draw in the dark so I’m used to the way that the colors look in the dark. Whenever I turn the light on for a minute and start to draw again everything looks so different. I always make the mistake of picking colors that are about two shades off from the colors I was previously using. I hate that!

Most people probably think it’s crazy to draw in the dark but I love it. Being that I do my drawing on the computer I use the light from the computer to guide me. I’ve noticed that drawing with the light on really hurts my head and eyes. I think it might have something to do with the type of lighting that I have in my bedroom. I could really use some maxim lighting in here. A new chandelier or desk lamp would be perfect!

It’s 1a in the morning and I’m up doing my hair. I’m starting to get tired but I want to get most of it done tonight because I don’t know how I’m going to feel tomorrow. These past couple of days I’ve been really sick and sleeping a lot and it’s really preventing me from doing a lot of things that I have planned to do. One thing that’s causing me a lot of pain is my migraine. I have really bad migraines and when they hit I just have to sit in the dark and wait for them to past.

Lately I’ve been on this medication that makes me so tired. I hate taking these pills because not more than 1 hour after I take them I’m already yawning and dozing off. That’s not good!! I’m actually starting to get tired right now because I recently took those pills. Too bad I don’t drink coffee because I sure would have to go turn on one of our coffee makers and make a pot of coffee. I guess I’ll stop torturing myself and just go to sleep soon. Yawn!

Lately I’ve been giving a lot of thought to starting a diary. I don’t think I’ve written in a diary since I was a teenager. And even then I never did it consistently. There has been so much going on in my life lately and I really think that having a diary will make things much better. It wont necessarily make my struggles easier but hopefully it will help me to see where I’m going wrong and where I’m going right. The thing that I notice about myself is that I make the same mistakes over and over again. Maybe seeing those mistakes in front of me will help?

I also like the idea of having a diary so that I can look back on it years down the road and see how much I’ve changed. I’m trying to decide if I want to start writing in a diary or keep a private online diary. Also I’m trying to figure out if I want to start the diary at the beginning of next month or wait until next year. Hmm. I think I should buy a diary with a lock and fasten it to the bottom of my bed. LOL. I wish I could do that with ball lock pins for extra security! I don’t want people in my business!!

I have a lot on my mind today. It’s just ‘one of those days’. I’ve never really given much thought to how much of a loner I am but today I feel extremely lonely and emotional. I have people in my life but I don’t feel that they’re really there for me. It seems as though no one is ever around when I need them. I can’t really complain about that though because even when people are around I tend to stay to myself. I’m really starting to feel a depression coming over me and I don’t know what to do!

I think I need to start being like those people who love to pamper themselves and have their ‘me time’. Although I’m alone a lot I never really have that time to myself. I’m going to need to buy myself a foot spa so I can spend time relaxing, listening to music, and pampering myself. Maybe I could even have a glass of wine or two. I need to find a friend who has a membership to a wine of the month club because I have no idea how to pick a good wine. LOL Doesn’t that sound like a great way to relax?